Man's Best Friend

Have you ever seen the movie Marley & Me?  The first time I watched that movie, I couldn't believe how similar that dog and our dog Sam were.  I felt like they had hidden cameras all over our house and made a movie based on him.  Even watching it now, I see so many similarities.

After we got married in 2007, we went to our first station in Colorado Springs, CO.  What's one of the first things you do after you get married?  You get a dog.  Well, in our eyes it seemed like the next step and we THOUGHT we were ready.

Dating??
Check.

Engaged?
Check.

Career?
Check.

Married?
Check.

Next on our list was to get a dog.  We both wanted a lab.  Jacob really wanted a black lab.  I didn't care which color, as long as it was a lab. My last dog growing up was a yellow lab named Jr. and Jacob had a childhood black lab named Skeeter.  So in a way we wanted to have those memories back.
 
Our mission started on a saturday morning when adoptions were taking place all over the city.  We ended up at a Wag n' Wash and saw mixed black labs.  One was Sergeant and one was Sookie.  We hung out with Sookie, he was the cuter of the two, and instantly bonded.  We paid our dues and took him home.  Picking out his name was very easy.  He had white on his chest, just like Jacob's Hurley sweater he was wearing.  He was the easiest dog we've ever had.  He was a homeless puppy along with his brothers and sisters and had been fostered by an old lady.  We were pleasantly surprised  that at 3 months old, it took one potty accident to potty train him, he didn't chew on things, he was just all around a great starter dog.

Then one day, a couple months later, we had the bright idea to get him a companion.  We both worked all day and thought Hurley could use some company.  So on another saturday morning,  we decided to go around the city again and look for another black lab. We overheard at one of the adoptions that a lady was selling black lab and one yellow lab puppies at Del Taco.  We rushed over there as fast as we could!  I wanted the yellow one....we've seen plenty of black labs by then, but no yellow labs.  When we arrived, people were walking away with puppies, but there were still 6 black labs about 8 weeks old in the back of a truck with a camper shell.  I picked out a quiet little girl sleeping on the side.  Jacob wanted the only one with fierce blue eyes, a little boy.  We had Hurley with us and decided it would be a family decision.  Jacob walked to one side with his choice and I walked to the other with mine.  We let Hurley off his leash.  He ran straight to the puppy with blue eyes.  It had been decided.  We paid the lady and were on our way.  The movie "I Am Legend" had recently come out, so no matter if it was a boy or a girl, the dog's name was going to be Sam.  Samson.  Samsonite.  Sam I am. Sammy.  Our new puppy.  We didn't even get a block away when the puppy was howling.  We should've known right then and there this was a bad idea.

The first night was terrible. He howled all night, just like a newborn baby. We tried to console him, but he would only stop crying if he was in the bed with us.  It took over 3 months to potty train him.  Everywhere he decided to go to the bathroom, so did Hurley.  We had to train the new puppy and Hurley all over again.  Needless to say, a steamvac was one of our first priorities.  I came home on many different occasions with the house completely in shambles.  He got into the donation food bag for Thanksgiving and completely ripped up the stuffing and jello mix.  There was powder all over the living room.  On top of that, he peed.  So we had jello powder mix, mixed with dog pee on our carpet.  Gross.  When we left the house to run to the store, we drove by the front and looked over to see Sam standing on the screen window on top of a bush crying because he couldn't get down.  By now he's 6 months old and about 50 pounds.  Such a scaredy cat.  Whenever he would do something bad, he would run straight into the room and under the bed.  Well as he got bigger, he couldn't fit under there anymore, but in his mind he could.  He would run in the room and dive under the bed, but only his head would be hidden.  He would freeze his whole body to the point where I almost thought he was holding his breath.  He was one of the hardest puppies ever!  He was always getting into things, chewing on everything, eating everything, getting on all the furniture, etc.  He really thought he was a lap dog.  We decided to kennel train after all that.  We tried doggy gates but those only worked for a couple of days before he realized he could get into other things.  His kennel became his own bedroom and after a few months, he really loved his bed.

We realized about 6 months later that Sammy and Hurley were both black lab, but had taken over their other breed.  We didn't know what else Sam was at the time, but as he got older it was obvious he was half Great Dane.  So our little puppy was half horse.  By the time they were both "adults" Hurley was 35 pounds and Sammy was 110 pounds.  HUGE difference!  But even then, calm Hurley was the alpha male and Sammy still thought he was the tiny puppy he was when he first met Hurley.

Sam had some funny little quirks about his personality.  He was one of the most unique dogs I've ever come in contact with.  When we brought Maxson home, everytime he would cry Sam would howl.  He wanted nothing to do with Maxson...the new furless puppy had taken over and he was no longer the baby.  He would wake us up every morning by having his face on the bed next to ours and breathing deeply.  He snored. REALLY snored.

We took him to a dog park with a creek....and just like in Marley & Me, he completely embarassed us.  All the other dogs were drinking the fresh creek water and laying in it.....our dog, Samson, pooped upstream.  All you see is him squatting while his poop floated past all the other dogs.  We just looked at each other and walked away.  You would step on him and fall down and he wouldn't move a muscle.  He laid down to eat and drink.  He walked while squatting to poop...so there would be a poop trail.  He knew how to open all the doors.  He was always making his presence known.  He always wanted to be with us no matter what we were doing in the house.  He would even lay outside our shower and wait.  He was pretty much the exact opposite of Hurley.  Hurley is more like a cat.  He likes to be by himself.  Eats when he feels like it.  Stares at the ball when you try to play fetch.  Sleeps all day.  Literally the exact opposite.

August 26th started out as a weird day in our household, but we didn't realize it at the moment.  For some reason, in the end you start looking at the beginning.  Over analyzing every detail in your day.  Jacob usually sets his alarm to go to the gym in the morning, but snoozes through it.  This particular morning he was ambitious and decided he was heading to the gym.  It was cloudy out, so I wanted to take Maxson to a little hill nearby that had a  park.  We were going to hike and just hang out after his morning nap.  Jacob came home as I was putting Maxson down around 9 a.m.  He wanted to take the dogs out since it was cloudy so they could get their exercise (they get walked at night because it's too hot in the daytime).  We weren't going to take them with us, because Sam gets pooped after his walk and likes to lay around.  We were planning on hanging out for a little bit.  I put Maxson down and pretty much just watched him contently playing in his crib through his monitor.  He never does that on his morning nap.  He's usually out for a good hour.  Since he was content I let him be.  About 45 minutes later, still no crying and still content.   I watched him on the monitor as he cuddled up to his blanket and finally passed out.  Everything is on Maxson's own terms.  Little turkey.

 It's now 10:00a.m.  I run up to the roof deck to see if I can see Jacob and the boys walking back....I don't see them....so I assume they're on the other side and almost home.

My phone rings.

Jacob said Sam is laying down and can't walk and he needs me to go get him.  They're down the street.  Call me a bad mom, but I went down the street and got them while Maxson slept.  When I pulled up, Sam was laying in the gutter with his head on the curb.  He was bleeding from biting his tongue when he fell down.  Sam is notorious for getting tired during his walks because of his bad back legs.  That morning he showed persistence and wanted to go further than his normal walk, so Jacob obliged his request.  Well now we thought he was showing signs of him being overworked.  Typical Samson!

It takes him a little longer to get in the car than usual.  It's like his paws don't work.  Like watching a drunk dog attempting to use them for the first time.  He decided to get in the front seat for the first time, but we didn't mind.  He barely fits on the seat and is halfway onto me.  My right arm was covered in blood and drool and blood was getting all over the seat and door.  He really bit his tongue bad.

A couple minutes later we pull into the garage and guide him into the house.  Again, his paws don't seem to work and he's stumbling all over the place.  Now there's blood on our garage wall and door frame where he stumbled.   We lay him down on the carpet,  where it meets the tile,  and let him rest. I give him his pain medicine for his legs, we wet some towels and wipe him down, get him a bowl of water, and just make him comfortable.  We've done this before so we know the routine.

Maxson is still sleeping.  Little turkey.

Sam won't drink any water, but keeps trying to get his head up and immediately lays back down.  We decide he's pretty comfortable and just needs to rest, so we start hanging up curtain rods and try to finish our house projects since Maxson is asleep.

It's now 12:00 pm.

I walk by Sam and realize he's starting to seize.  I know the signs since my old dog Jr. had epilepsy. Sam never seized before. I know it's a lab trait, but Jr. started doing it quite early in his life and Sam never did.   He's only 5 years old.  The only complication he's had is his back legs. I remained calm.  Like I said, I've seen this before.  You just have to give him his space and let the seizure go.  Jacob starts comforting him as I start calling the Emergency Vet hospital out here.  It's Monday....why is it closed? I call the other one which is quite a few miles away, they said to bring him in immediately.  I run outside to take out the car seat to put Sam down in the back.  I go back inside and see Jacob holding Sam in his arms on the ground.  All I can hear is Jacob crying hysterically.  Sam had died.

It's now 12:05.

I'm pretty much in shock at this point.  What happened?  What happened in 5 minutes from our dog having a seizure to him laying lifeless in my husband's arms?  He wasn't supposed to die.  He was having a seizure then he was going to be fine.  How did our world flip upside down in a matter of minutes?  We're both hysterical at this point.  Poor Hurley is licking Sam's head and nose.  Sam had bad ears and every single night Hurley would clean them.  Even in death he is still taking care of his little brother.  Sam is so lifeless and quiet.  He's never this quiet, not even when he sleeps.

We laid with him, petting him and crying for the next 4 hours waiting for them to come and pick him up.  We just kept telling stories and talking about memories.  We'd cry in between.  Blame ourselves for letting this happen.  Wondering how in the world he was his hyper self just two hours before...

  We decided to get him cremated and plan on sprinkling him in the snow, since that was his favorite.  It's amazing how you wake up in the morning and go about your day not thinking this will be the last day I'll see my dog, or anyone for that matter.  Again, what happened?  This isn't how it was supposed to end for Sammy.  Don't you usually put your dogs down?  After speaking with a friend in the Vet field and looking up things online, it seems as though he had a heart attack.  Heart problems are common in Great Danes and they live on average 6-8  years.  We had no idea.

Maxson is still asleep which is also weird.  For the first time ever, he ended up taking a 3 hour nap that day.

We didn't lose a dog that day, we lost our second son.  We always got frustrated with him, but loved him none the less.   He was more aggressive with Maxson than we cared for, so we always talked about getting rid of him.  We'd ask around and mention it to people.  I'd even joke that we'd pay for his food for a year.  We honestly would never have done it.  He was family. Even after being aggressive with our son twice and nephew twice, we still kept him.  He was a part of our family and this is his home.  We bought this home with intentions of living out our plans and creating new memories as a family...and Sam was in all of them.  We loved how open the living area was, so we could play fetch in the house with him.  We were excited about all the walking trails and areas around our new neighborhood and tried with our might to start walking them on a daily basis.

I always thought I'd come home one day and find Maxson riding Sammy like a horse.  It makes me laugh and want to cry at the sametime just thinking about that.  I thought Sammy would graduate from sleeping next to Jacob on his side of the bed to sleeping with Maxson in his bed.  I even thought about how I would have to tell Maxson his dog died.  I'm even more sad that Maxson will never get to experience this wonderful, but crazy dog of ours.  Stories will never do him justice.  We have plenty of videos.  And even videos we've taken with him around, all you hear is his heavy breathing or one of us yelling at him.  Sam was always there. The one thing we noticed right away was how quiet our house is.  Our house hasn't been quiet since before we bought our little Del Taco puppy with the blue eyes.  It's like an eerie quiet.  Something is missing.  Our house just feels cold.

I've never felt a heartache like this.  I've lost my grandparents, my dad, a few friends throughout the years, but never have I felt like my soul is physically hurting.  All I could think about after he died was how mean I was to him.  I could've pet him a little more. Bought him more treats.  Paid a lot more attention to him even though Maxson was here now.  But that's what you do when someone dies, right?  Regret is one of the steps of grieving.

The hardest moments are the ones when you know Sam would be doing something.  I was cleaning Maxson's high chair and held some of his treats behind me and called for Sam, not even thinking. Instantly I started bawling.   Jacob always called Sam's name when we were heading up to bed....he still did a few times.  We never realized how much he was a part of our daily lives until he wasn't anymore.  He had to be right there when we were giving Maxson a bath or putting him down for his nap or for the night.  He was always there.

You never know how someone feels.  I lost my dad, but someone else might feel different about their dad.  Or people around me felt different when my dad died than I did.  I look at Hurley and hurt for him.  I'll never know or understand how he feels.  He lost his best friend that has been with him every single day for the past 5 years.  I'll never know the bond they felt or how much he's hurting.  I can see he's changed.  He didn't eat for almost a week.  Hurley never ate until Sam did first.  Must've been a big brother thing.  We picked up Sam's ashes exactly a week after it happened.  The first thing Hurley did was eat his entire bowl of food.  I was shocked.  He wouldn't even come around us.  Hurley always slept elsewhere in the house and Sam was always out and about with us in the living room or what not.  Hurley slept in all of Sam's usual nap spots.  Even when we went to sleep for the night, Hurley slept in Sammy's bed.  Throughout the day, he would walk in and out of all the rooms, even scratching the door to go on the deck.  He would scope out every nook and cranny looking for his little brother.  Just observing him made my heart hurt so much more.  I realized we put Hurley away when they took Sam's body.  That was probably a mistake on our part.  He probably didn't get his chance to say goodbye.

Oh Samson.  He's definitely a dog that will never be replaced or can be replaced.  He left a mark on every person he met....whether it was his drool or his personality.  I've never seen my husband grieve as much as he does for Sam. Of course we still talk about him everyday.  I say hi to him since he's in our living room now, but it'll never be the same.  Our new house, barely lived in, actually has memories of Sam in every single room.  We even see his eye boogies in places they shouldn't be.

Who knows how long we'll grieve, or if we'll ever stop.  There's no time limit on grief just like there's no measurement on love.  High in sight, I'm glad we never took him to the vet.  He died right here with his family and those he loved more than himself.  He died comfortable and not in a vet office.  He'll forever be the coolest dog we ever had....and will always have a special place with us. Our Sam.

A rant about food

I feel like I'm going to be a vegetarian soon.

I keep seeing documentaries about how animals are being treated.  Why is it fair that as humans, the "superior race", we have the right to do that?

The whole "supply and demand" crap doesn't sell me.  Look around at our world.  People are so overweight now, eating themselves to death.  How is that keeping up with the demand?  The demand for people to gorge themselves...  I don't get it.

I watch Masterchef and all the other cooking shows.  All I can think about now is all that food that is being wasted.  How many chicken had to die for a show....  how many cows had to be forced to get pregnant to produce more milk for that ice cream eating contest...  is that really necessary?  We're not eating what we need to survive, we're stuffing ourselves.

I don't understand when people turn away from it because they love food too much.  Why is it okay to torture other living beings for your guilty pleasures?

I just watched a video about pigs.  They take piglets and immediately rip off their testicles with their gloved hands.  The pigs are artificially inseminated, forced to lay down being held down by bars, while their piglets are eating off them through the bars.  After so many days, the moms are then slaughtered because they're not needed anymore.

Cows can only have their calves for 3 days.  They're artificially inseminated to stay pregnant so they can produce enough milk for us humans to drink.

HUMANS TO DRINK COW'S MILK.

Does that make any sense?

We're the only species on the entire planet who drinks another animal's milk after infancy.  Why is that?  Some genius years ago decided cow's milk has tons of calcium and protein...so we should drink it.   Cows produce milk for baby cows, just like humans produce milk for baby humans.  We're not designed to drink milk past infancy....why don't we all just walk around with bottles then?

So again, we FORCE animals to reproduce so that we may consume the milk that is intended for their baby that we ripped away from them.  We might as well pull a baby cow away and start suckling on the cow's udders.

I need to stop watching these videos.

Maxson's Therapy

We've been hearing over the past few months how smart Maxson is... I feel like everyone says your baby is either cute or smart, it's just the thing to say to people.  We assumed our therapists were just making those comments to encourage him in his developmental adventure.  Since I don't have any other kids or haven't really been around babies....everything he does just seems like the next milestone we can check off the list.

Crawling?  Check.
Sitting on his own? Check....

His two therapists last week, Carly and Ilene, asked me if he was cruising (walking along furniture while holding on) yet and if he started bridging (going from one piece of furniture to another that ARE NOT connected).  He has not done that yet.  He just started cruising along the couch.  Whenever he'd lower himself, he'd put down one hand and try to touch the ground before he'd let go...usually ending with a small crash.  We were given homework to do with him at home...help him cruise more and learn how to bridge. They said he should have that down within the next 2 months, especially how fast he's learning everything.

A few days later I was hanging up pictures and looked over at Maxson to make sure he wasn't getting into any trouble.  He was bridging on his own for the first time.  Like everything else he does, I was baffled.  I'm always getting praised at the therapist office for Maxson being so advanced and it's obvious we're working with him.  I tell them time and time again I don't do anything.  I would love to take the praise, but it's all him.  I think he secretly takes notes during his appointment and decides to master it by his next appointment.  One thing the mentioned that probably helps him is we let him roam around the house as much as possible.  He's been in a walker twice for no more than 5 minutes at a time.  He hates that thing.  He LOVED his jumper, but we wouldn't put him in that for more than an hour a day. He did it for some exercise, but we didn't use it as a baby sitter.

The next day after his first successful side-by-side bridging event, he was holding onto the couch, and decided to bridge to the ottoman BEHIND him.  This kid is crazy smart.  I started watching him lower himself, and there's no more crash landing either.  He does a very impressive squat, that even makes me jealous!!  He lowers himself, touches the ground with a flat hand, and pulls himself back up.  Knees over toes!  Ass to grass! Oh the butt I would have if I could do that! lol!

The day before his appointment (Wednesday), he decided to start climbing furniture.  He only raised his arms and attempted to put his foot on the next step.  He tried that over and over until he got bored.   He has been trying to climb out of his crib for 2 months now.  I watch him on the monitor as he holds onto the front railing, step on the bumper, and pulls himself up.  He then proceeds to go sideways until he gets to his mobile, which is almost all the way to the side.  He holds onto the mobile and climbs up to the side of the crib and just hangs out.  A few times I watched him take his ninja turtle pillow (it's not very big, it's Raphael's head) and put it in the corner to use as a booster.  It's quite impressive actually.  He was doing that better than he was crawling!  Of course we lowered his crib, but he still manages to get up there.  We'll see how long this lasts before he's knocking on the door to get out!

So Thursday finally arrives, one week later.  We take him to his appointment and they put a little activity table in the room to watch how he pulls himself up and lowers himself...to make sure it's controlled and he's not crash landing.  Like any other day at home, he crawled to his table, pulled himself up, and lowered himself into his squat, and came back up.  Ilene was impressed.  He then decided to take it up a notch.  He goes up on his tip toes to reach the other side of the table.  Then, the over achiever Maxson is, decided to walk around the table, step on a small, hard giraffe toy, and balance himself on that with one foot, while he continued to play.  By that moment Ilene is through the roof.  (We absolutely love her by the way! We think she's great with him...  We love seeing her every week even if it's for 30 minutes.)  She says she can't believe what she's seeing and she might have to let him go soon since he's doing stuff that 12-14 month olds are doing.  Of course I'm happy he's doing great, but sad to not see Ilene soon in the future!  I told her we also play with a ball...we roll it back and forth.  Again, she said he shouldn't be doing that yet.  So she sat on one side and rolled the ball to him....he picked it up with two hands, licked it (because that's what he does) and sent it back.  After all the impressive stunts he was pulling, she wanted to try some weight bearing on his arms.  She puts him in a push-up position, but holds his legs.  She counts to see how long he hold his weigh on his arms without bending them or lowering himself.  Usually, she only counts to ten, but she wanted to see how long he would go.  That little turkey decided he would just walk on his hands to a toy.  It reminded me of the wheel barrow races!  He got to a toy and bent and arm while balancing on the other....that was 30 seconds later.  She doesn't expect kids to walk on their hands until at least 12 months.  Needless to say, it was a good occupational therapy session...and Maxson was a little show off.

Right after Ilene comes Carly, for physical therapy.  I let her know he's bridging now and not crash landing.  She asked if he's been attempting to climb and I told her he started that yesterday...just putting his feet up on furniture but can't pull himself up yet.   She goes and gets a bench.  It's similar to a piano bench, just slightly lower and longer with a blue padding on top, like a seat.  He crawled to that darn activity table again, pulled himself up and lowered himself.  Carly is already impressed.  Such a dramatic improvement from last week without crashing.  He then decided to pull himself up again and play, while on his tippy toes.  Little show off.  He bridged from that to the bench and back and forth.  He cruised all up and down the side of that bench like it was nothing.  Yet again, he decided to take it a step further....he hopped up onto the bench, like he was going to go head first over it, and kicked his legs like crazy trying to get himself on it.  She was now highly impressed.  This crazy kid goes back to the activity table and rips off the hippo's head like it was nothing.  Carly, Jacob, and myself lost it.  We were all laughing so hard.  It was a classic "Hulk" moment.  It was so effortless.  To top it off, he held it up in the air when he was done, like he was a macho caveman waving around the game he just killed.  She also decided she doesn't need to see him every week anymore and needs to go to every other week.  He's going to fade out of that therapy as well.  They both made the comment he's "all boy!"  Probably going to have my hands full with this one!

He's starting speech therapy soon so we can get him drinking out of a cup!  It doesn't seem hard, but it is when you can't close your mouth on one side.  As you can imagine, the liquid just comes flowing right back out.  Sippy cups?? Same thing.  Straws?? Can't suck up yet, but I do give him water through the bottom of the straw.... I also LOVE the speech therapist!  We worked with her while he was in the NICU...trying to teach him how to drink from a bottle!  I look forward to working with her very soon. :)

After therapy we went for a walk.  We're attempting to do that everyday.  We're not perfect so some days get skipped!  But it was cloudy and not hot out so it was perfect.  Maxson HATES being confined.  He hates the carseat.  He hates being strapped in a stroller.  I always leave him unstrapped.  Lately he's been standing up in the stroller.  It gives me a heart attack.  I set him back down and wait until he does it again.  No toy or food distracts him long enough!  Well that night he decided to continuously stand! No matter how many times I put him down, he stood right back up!

Of course I took a picture before I thought of something!  The front part where the legs go folds up to block it in....and the "seat" can be laid flat.  So I decided to  make his stroller like a wagon (yes we need to buy a real one....very, very soon!).  He loved it!  He just sat in there and played the rest of the walk.  Of course he has to be unique....he sat sideways and put his feet up! lol.

It was a great day!! I love going and watching him in therapy!!  Everything he does I assume is the norm.  I love hearing how great he's doing and how ahead he is!  He's 9 months old right now....but technically 8 months and 1 week adjusted.  They said he's going to be walking very soon because that's the last step.  I'm not ready for that!  Where did my baby go??  I'm supposed to have a good few months left before I have a toddler running around!

Microtia Poem

I met a family from California through Instagram!!  Her son has unilateral microtia and he's super cute!!  her attitude and confidence through her son is so inspiring.  I need to surround myself with more people like her!  Or better yet...inspire others like she has me!  She shared this poem with me and it made me tear up.  It's so beautifully written.  I will be putting this in Maxson's room and reading it to him everyday...

Enjoy!
I'm Special: 
On my way from Heaven, 
God Delayed my trip that day. 
He said that I was special, 
and then sent me on my way. 
But not before He kissed me, 
Right upon my ear. 
He left his blessed mark 
to carry with me here. 
He whispered in my ear right then, 
that He loved me without a doubt, 
and then He closed my ear up tight, 
so the whisper won't get out. 
He told me both my legs were strong 
and would help me stand up tall. 
He told me both my arms would work 
to catch me if I fall. 
My eyes would catch my memories 
to store within the pages of my mind, 
My heart would fill with all the things I would love, 
so many things, i would find. 
He told me I could fall asleep 
to my Daddy's bedtime tales, 
and listen while my mother sings 
of seas and boats and sails. 
For when I'm feeling sad, he said, 
my other ear would hear, 
His whispered words of eternal love, 
left waiting for me there. 
I'm special!!!!

Busy family!

Oh my...have we been busy, busy, busy!

We FINALLY moved into our new house! Our brand, spankin new house!  It's kind of weird to actually think you're the first person to take a shower in your shower or sit on your toilet (assuming the workers didn't use it!)

We met a couple neighbors so far!  On our block...the houses on the same side as us are occupied, but the ones across the way are still vacant.  The houses are all sold....they just haven't moved in yet!  Man, I hope they're nice!

We decided not to attend the Ear Conference this past weekend ://  After all the counting down....we backed out at the last minute!  There's just a lot going on in the Hess household with moving and what not.  The Ear Conference also had events for the kiddos, but seeing as how Maxson is only 9 months old...he won't be able to enjoy the events or "meet" other kids like him.  I was really excited to meet all the doctors!  I got the schedule a few days before and realized I would only be able to meet with each one for 10 minutes.  I know, I know....what was I expecting??  A full hour?  There were about 400 people that were attending...so 10 minutes was awesome!  But not to toot my own horn....but what could they possibly tell me in 10 minutes of meeting Maxson about his "condition" that I didn't already know??  I feel like I would need more time.  My phone interviews alone are at least an hour.  I'm thinking we'll attend the conference in 2015!  He'll be almost 3.....he'll like the Smores, movie under the stars, face painting, etc.

I decided to attend college again!! For the 9th (and hopefully last) time!  I was really going back and forth between business or arts.  I know it's on two different spectrum!  I was hoping I would like something in business.  Everyone looks at me funny when I even mention an arts degree.  I keep hearing I won't make any money and won't find a job.  But when I look at the classes I'll be taking for the arts degree, I get anxious with excitement!  So do you follow your "likes" or your bank account??  I'm always lecturing Jacob on having a job you don't like for years and what it does to your soul.  Yet, here I am....thinking the way every other American does.  I decided to follow my "likes."  I should be starting next week on a Bachelor's degree in Liberal Arts. What am I going to do with it?? Who knows??  But I'm halfway there! And I'm still young....if I decide to learn more, I can! Wish me luck!!

Dearest sister

July 10. 11:00pm. One hour away from my sister Misty's birthday.   She'll be 32 this year. 

I texted her from the last number she called me on.  I wanted to wish her a "happy birthday" and to let her know I love her.  Man, I hope that's the phone she still has.  Who really knows these days. 

I set down my phone...and realize its lit up..it's that number calling me.  Will it be a random person wondering why I'm texting them or is it my sister??

"Hello?" 

"Hi sister! Thanks for te Happy birthday text! I miss you...what are you doing?"

Alas! I'm talking to Misty.  And not just misty...because I talk to her quite often...but actually my sister.  The one we assumed was lost forever.  She likes to surprise us every now and then. 

I asked her the usual birthday questions...wondering what she had planned and who she was spending it with? I like to keep it casual and light...I'm not sure how long I have with her. 

I let her know Maxson is getting big and that we're still living in Vegas... I asked her how her girls were doing..

Halfway through her response she completely switched gears.  Misty left the conversation. 

I fight back tears and try to control the lump in my throat so I can reassure her I'm okay.  She's always wondering if I'm okay.  

The usual conversation follows.  I have to explain to her she's not dead..that she's alive and I'm really her sister. I go through the usual walk down memory lane to prove to her I am who I say I am.   I have to tell her things no one from her new life knows. 

The rest of our conversation is the usual....reassuring her we're all alive and well and no one is being tortured. She hears all of her family members constantly being tortured.  She always wonders if that's her hell she's in. 

It makes me wonder if her soul is still untouched. 

I hear my sister.  Even if it is for less than 5 minutes.   I have a casual conversation with her.  It might seem like nothing...but it's a false sense of hope that somewhere in that body...my sister still exists.  

I always relish the couple minutes we have and pretend everything is okay.  We're all okay.  She's okay.  

Meth has claimed yet another soul.  But we're not letting go of her's so easily.  

We're holding  onto you Misty.  As long as your heart still beats we'll be here.. Even to just have those 5 minute conversations. 

We love you...

more than you know. 

job interview!

I've always been a worker bee.  You know how some people were born to be teachers or made to be make-up artists?  I'm not sure what I'm "supposed" to be, but I know I'm a worker.  I like to think of myself as a jack-of-all-trades.  I can pretty much do anything anyone will let me do.  Well this is the longest I've gone without a job.  I know, I know....being a stay-at-home mom is a full-time job!! And not to mention one of the hardest jobs I've ever had!  I quit my 2 base jobs the last day in September last year and I can't believe it's already July!  I know when you're married, you are supposed to share money and what not, but I do like making my own money!  Plus, it doesn't hurt to have extra money to save!

One thing I do regret is not saving any money all these years!  I got my first job at our local bowling alley when I was 12!  I wasn't on the payroll, but I only worked for tips.  Being 12 years old, $20+ a night was a pretty good chunk of change!  I'm now going to be 27 soon and I have nothing to show for it.  My mom's wise words are starting to thump my brain these days.  She always told me to go to college and make something of myself.  My stubborn butt lived for the "now" and figured I could just work, since that's what I'm good at....  Well I have nothing to show for it.  I've been working all these years and nothing.  Well I can't exactly say nothing...all the stuff around our house is all out right owned by us!  That's gotta count for something, right??

The other night I just kept telling myself I need a job.  I would like to make extra money, especially to save... and it's the perfect time right now while Jacob is off 6+ months!  He can be at home with Maxson.  He's still exclusively breast fed, and can't/won't take a bottle...and not quite on a cup yet...so I still have to be around every so many hours.  I don't mind that at all!! I'm just hoping someone is willing to work with me on that....  I've never had a restricted availability!  Hopefully they'll see my resume and talk to my references and see I'm a hard worker and worth every penny they pay me.

I started applying to anything that seemed up my alley....  mainly retail.  I don't want to be on the sales floor....probably ever again!!  I like doing displays, floor sets, ect.  I LOVE organizing more than anything else!  Well I found a few jobs that only require a couple days a week for a few hours at a time...perfect!!

Well, I got a phone call the next day....

So today at 2:00p.m. I will be on an interview to work for Tommy Hilfiger doing floor sets, displays, and restocking!  I have never been so nervous in my life!  I've never not been offered at job I wanted....but now with my availability and my absolute 0 knowledge of this Mr. Tommy's brand has me scared.  I'll be fine though, right?  If they say no, I'll just move onto the next job.

I literally have dinosaurs in my stomach today!  I'm praying to God they don't ask me questions about the brand! I've been Googling and trying to study a little on it, but it's just not sinking in!

Whatever shall be, shall be!  Wish me luck :)