Dearest sister

July 10. 11:00pm. One hour away from my sister Misty's birthday.   She'll be 32 this year. 

I texted her from the last number she called me on.  I wanted to wish her a "happy birthday" and to let her know I love her.  Man, I hope that's the phone she still has.  Who really knows these days. 

I set down my phone...and realize its lit up..it's that number calling me.  Will it be a random person wondering why I'm texting them or is it my sister??

"Hello?" 

"Hi sister! Thanks for te Happy birthday text! I miss you...what are you doing?"

Alas! I'm talking to Misty.  And not just misty...because I talk to her quite often...but actually my sister.  The one we assumed was lost forever.  She likes to surprise us every now and then. 

I asked her the usual birthday questions...wondering what she had planned and who she was spending it with? I like to keep it casual and light...I'm not sure how long I have with her. 

I let her know Maxson is getting big and that we're still living in Vegas... I asked her how her girls were doing..

Halfway through her response she completely switched gears.  Misty left the conversation. 

I fight back tears and try to control the lump in my throat so I can reassure her I'm okay.  She's always wondering if I'm okay.  

The usual conversation follows.  I have to explain to her she's not dead..that she's alive and I'm really her sister. I go through the usual walk down memory lane to prove to her I am who I say I am.   I have to tell her things no one from her new life knows. 

The rest of our conversation is the usual....reassuring her we're all alive and well and no one is being tortured. She hears all of her family members constantly being tortured.  She always wonders if that's her hell she's in. 

It makes me wonder if her soul is still untouched. 

I hear my sister.  Even if it is for less than 5 minutes.   I have a casual conversation with her.  It might seem like nothing...but it's a false sense of hope that somewhere in that body...my sister still exists.  

I always relish the couple minutes we have and pretend everything is okay.  We're all okay.  She's okay.  

Meth has claimed yet another soul.  But we're not letting go of her's so easily.  

We're holding  onto you Misty.  As long as your heart still beats we'll be here.. Even to just have those 5 minute conversations. 

We love you...

more than you know. 

job interview!

I've always been a worker bee.  You know how some people were born to be teachers or made to be make-up artists?  I'm not sure what I'm "supposed" to be, but I know I'm a worker.  I like to think of myself as a jack-of-all-trades.  I can pretty much do anything anyone will let me do.  Well this is the longest I've gone without a job.  I know, I know....being a stay-at-home mom is a full-time job!! And not to mention one of the hardest jobs I've ever had!  I quit my 2 base jobs the last day in September last year and I can't believe it's already July!  I know when you're married, you are supposed to share money and what not, but I do like making my own money!  Plus, it doesn't hurt to have extra money to save!

One thing I do regret is not saving any money all these years!  I got my first job at our local bowling alley when I was 12!  I wasn't on the payroll, but I only worked for tips.  Being 12 years old, $20+ a night was a pretty good chunk of change!  I'm now going to be 27 soon and I have nothing to show for it.  My mom's wise words are starting to thump my brain these days.  She always told me to go to college and make something of myself.  My stubborn butt lived for the "now" and figured I could just work, since that's what I'm good at....  Well I have nothing to show for it.  I've been working all these years and nothing.  Well I can't exactly say nothing...all the stuff around our house is all out right owned by us!  That's gotta count for something, right??

The other night I just kept telling myself I need a job.  I would like to make extra money, especially to save... and it's the perfect time right now while Jacob is off 6+ months!  He can be at home with Maxson.  He's still exclusively breast fed, and can't/won't take a bottle...and not quite on a cup yet...so I still have to be around every so many hours.  I don't mind that at all!! I'm just hoping someone is willing to work with me on that....  I've never had a restricted availability!  Hopefully they'll see my resume and talk to my references and see I'm a hard worker and worth every penny they pay me.

I started applying to anything that seemed up my alley....  mainly retail.  I don't want to be on the sales floor....probably ever again!!  I like doing displays, floor sets, ect.  I LOVE organizing more than anything else!  Well I found a few jobs that only require a couple days a week for a few hours at a time...perfect!!

Well, I got a phone call the next day....

So today at 2:00p.m. I will be on an interview to work for Tommy Hilfiger doing floor sets, displays, and restocking!  I have never been so nervous in my life!  I've never not been offered at job I wanted....but now with my availability and my absolute 0 knowledge of this Mr. Tommy's brand has me scared.  I'll be fine though, right?  If they say no, I'll just move onto the next job.

I literally have dinosaurs in my stomach today!  I'm praying to God they don't ask me questions about the brand! I've been Googling and trying to study a little on it, but it's just not sinking in!

Whatever shall be, shall be!  Wish me luck :)