Babies are so happy..

One of Maxson's favorite activities is sitting in front of the big mirror in our hallway and playing with himself.  Yesterday I decided to sit with him in my lap and take part in his activity.  I always say "who's that handsome feller..." and he smiles so big. What a vain little boy...

As I was watching him giggle and smile at himself....I couldn't help but wonder if one day he won't smile in the mirror anymore. I realized I was crying at that point....like a baby. lol.  I love his little face.  I love his little "Nemo" ear. I love his crooked mouth. It's what makes him Maxson.  Will me telling him he's handsome everyday be enough for him? Is love enough?  The world is so cruel and judgmental.  Afterall....we're all loved right?!  But when someone comes along and calls you fat or tells you your nose is crooked....it sits with you in an ugly place in your mind. Will others see what I see?  Will they see this happy baby that God chose for me?  It amazes me how when I look at him I see perfection.  I find myself making excuses for the "flaws" the doctors are pointing out.  "His cheek is only smaller on that side for now...but when the baby fat diminishes it'll even out." "He's eating just fine when he breast feeds, who cares that he can't physically eat from a bottle or keep a pacifier in his mouth....he's thriving and that's all that matters." "His skull is only crooked on that side because of his crazy hair."  "Ohhh....that cute crooked smile is a deformity...who knew?"  I don't see anything wrong with his face/skull until I hold in front of a mirror.  It's a dramatic change!  Is that what others see when they look at  him??

I saw some pictures of some of the surgical options for him.  I've heard they're more traumatic for the parents to go through....but my God.  Getting his shots are traumatizing for me as it is....and I don't even go in the room! It's so sad to me babies have to endure surgeries like that so they can have a chance at a "normal" life. I can sit here all day and say I don't care what people think when they see him....and I don't because people are judgmental no matter if you have deformities or not... but I just don't want people to be mean to him.  I want him to be confident and have friends.  I already get so defensive of him.  I know people are curious when they see him...but when someone asks me "what's wrong with his ear? Can't you fix it or make him wear a hat..." my defenses automatically turn on into crazy mama bear mode! I want to blurt out "what's wrong with your face?!?"  But quickly change my mind and step back into mature-mom-land. I don't mind questions...I love educating people...they just need to be more aware of what they're saying :))))))

One of the best things I ever heard when someone met him for the first time was "it's just an ear."  I'm constantly hearing how great plastic surgery is today or how it'll be easy to cover and blah blah blah....but that "it's just an ear" comment...as simple as it is has so much power behind it.  As weird as it sounds it gave me a sense of peace.   And you know what....it is just an ear.  Me and Jacob had come to the conclusion to let him decide what he wants to do with his "nemo" ear.  Afterall, he's the one who has to live with it.  Now I'm starting to second guess myself and wonder if we should try to get him a medpor ear when he's 3...just get it done and over with before he remembers anything.

There are 4 options for his "nemo" ear.  The first is to obviously not do anything and leave him the way God made him.  The second is to remove his "nemo" ear and get a prosthetic ear that can be removed whenever he wants.  The third option is a MEDPOR ear....the doctor can do it in one surgery, SOMETIMES two....he builds an ear with a type of porous plastic, covers it with skin from above, and there you have an ear.  That can be done as young as 3 years old.   The last and final choice is a RIB GRAFT ear.  You have to be at least 7 years old for this option.  They take cartilage from behind the 6th, 7th, and 8th rib and build you an ear.  They take a skin graft from somewhere on your body, cover it, and voila...you have a functioning ear.  That procedure is about 4 surgeries and way more invasive.  

We're going to the EAR CONFERENCE and EAR COMMUNITY PICNIC in Los Angeles this August for 3 days to learn more about these procedures and meet some specialists behind them.  I want to be prepared for if/when he decides he wants a new ear.  And I've already decided....like a crazy person...to have an entire photo shoot with him and his "nemo" ear before his reconstructive surgery if he decides to do so....cause I know I'll miss it. AND I'M SO EXCITED TO MEET OTHER  FAMILIES IN THE SAME BOAT!!!